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Oppenheim, E. Phillips (Edward Phillips), 1866-1946

"The Double Life Of Mr. Alfred Burton"

He murdered the Queen's English every
time he spoke, and spent his pennies on things you suck. His mother
threw two of the beans I had procured with great difficulty for them
both into the street. He picked one up and ate it--a wretched habit of
his. You see the result."
Mr. Bomford sat quite still and breathed several times before he spoke.
It was a sign with him of most intense emotion.
"Mr. Burton," he declared, "if this is true, that child is even a
greater testimony to the efficacy of your--your beans, than you
yourself."
"There is no doubt," Burton agreed, "that the change is even greater."
There was a knock at the door. Burton, with a word of excuse, crossed
the room to open it. The postman stood there with a packet. It was his
novel returned once more. He threw it on to a table in the corner and
returned to his place.
"Mr. Burton," his visitor continued, "for the first time in my
life--and I may say that I have been accustomed to public speaking and
am considered to have a fair choice of words--for the first time in my
life I confess that I find myself in trouble as to exactly how to
express myself. I want to convince you. I am myself entirely and
absolutely convinced as to the justice of the cause I plead.


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