I couldn't travel alone, I bought silly comic papers, I played nap with
young men who talked of nothing but their 'shop' and their young ladies.
I have been to a public-house, drunk beer, and shaken hands with the
barmaid. I was even disappointed when one of them--a creature with
false hair, a loud, rasping voice and painted lips--was not there. Just
in time I took one of my beans and became myself again, but Edith, I
have only two more. When they are gone there is an end of me. That is
why I sit here by your side at this moment and feel myself a condemned
man. I think that when I feel the change coming I shall throw myself
over into the river. I could not bear the other life again!"
"Absurd!" she declared.
"If I believed," he went on, "that I could carry with me across that
curious boundary enough of decency, enough of my present feelings, to
keep us wholly apart, I would be happier. It is one of the terrors of
my worst moments when I think that in the months or years to come I may
again be tempted--no, not I, but Alfred Burton of Garden Green may be
tempted--to look once more across the hedge for you."
She smiled reassuringly at him.
"You do not terrify me in the least. I shall ask you in to tea.
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