It had to be an exciting address because slumber was not an infrequent
phenomenon among the Immortals on such solemn occasions. Like dozens of
dozing Joves a dull discourse always set them nodding.
But always under such circumstances the pretty ushers from Barnard
College passed around refreshments; a suffragette orchestra struck up;
the ushers uprooted the seated Immortals and fox-trotted them into
comparative consciousness.
But I didn't wish to have my inaugural address interrupted, therefore I
was at my wits' ends to discover a subject of such exciting scientific
interest that my august audience could not choose but listen as
attentively as they would listen from the front row to some deathless
stunt in vaudeville.
That morning I had left the Bronx rather early, hoping that a long walk
might compose my thoughts and enable me to think of some sufficiently
entertaining and unusual subject for my inaugural address.
I walked as far as Columbia University, gazed with rapture upon its
magnificent architecture until I was as satiated as though I had arisen
from a banquet at Childs'.
To aid mental digestion I strolled over to the noble home of the Academy
and Institute adjoining Mr.
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