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Kipling, Rudyard, 1865-1936

"Traffics and Discoveries"


"And the same thing with keeping the fire in all night. _I_ don't think it
so foolish--do you?"
I looked at the broad brick hearth, saw, through tears I believe, that
there was no unpassable iron on or near it, and bowed my head.
"I did all that and lots of other things--just to make believe. Then they
came. I heard them, but I didn't know that they were not mine by right
till Mrs. Madden told me----"
"The butler's wife? What?"
"One of them--I heard--she saw. And knew. Hers! _Not_ for me. I didn't
know at first. Perhaps I was jealous. Afterwards, I began to understand
that it was only because I loved them, not because----... Oh, you _must_
bear or lose," she said piteously. "There is no other way--and yet they
love me. They must! Don't they?"
There was no sound in the room except the lapping voices of the fire, but
we two listened intently, and she at least took comfort from what she
heard. She recovered herself and half rose. I sat still in my chair by the
screen.
"Don't think me a wretch to whine about myself like this, but--but I'm all
in the dark, you know, and _you_ can see."
In truth I could see, and my vision confirmed me in my resolve, though
that was like the very parting of spirit and flesh. Yet a little longer I
would stay since it was the last time.
"You think it is wrong, then?" she cried sharply, though I had said
nothing.
"Not for you.


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