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?‰mile, 1840-1902

"Fruitfulness"

They
were so beautiful, and it was so excusable for them to be rich and gay
and happy. One after the other they took my heart from me, and I lived
only in them and by them and for them. When one had left me, the other
became my all in all, and for her, my daughter, I again indulged in the
dream of ambition which had originated with her mother. And yet I killed
them both, and my mad desire to rise and conquer fortune led me to that
twofold crime. Ah! when I think that even this morning I still dared to
esteem myself happy at having but that one child, that daughter to
cherish! What foolish blasphemy against love and life! She is dead now,
dead like her mother, and I am alone, with nobody to love and nobody to
love me--neither wife nor daughter, neither desire nor will, but
alone--ah! all alone, forever!"
It was the cry of supreme abandonment that he raised, while sinking to
the floor strengthless, with a great void within him; and all he could do
was to press Mathieu's hands and stammer: "Leave me--tell me nothing. You
alone were right. I refused the offers of life, and life has now taken
everything from me."
Mathieu, in tears himself, kissed him and lingered yet a few moments
longer in that tragic den, feeling more moved than he had ever felt
before.


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