She might long ago have had a family had she so
chosen. But she had elected otherwise, setting all her egotism and pride
on that only son whom death had snatched away; and now the motherhood she
longed for was denied her.
For nearly two years did Constance battle, and at last in despair she was
seized with the idea of consulting Dr. Gaude. He told her the brutal
truth; it was useless for her to address herself to charlatans; she would
simply be robbed by them; there was absolutely no hope for her. And Gaude
uttered those decisive words in a light, jesting way, as though surprised
and amused by her profound grief. She almost fainted on the stairs as she
left his flat, and for a moment indeed death seemed welcome. But by a
great effort of will she recovered self-possession, the courage to face
the life of loneliness that now lay before her. Moreover, another idea
vaguely dawned upon her, and the first time she found herself alone with
Mathieu she again spoke to him of Norine's boy.
"Forgive me," said she, "for reverting to a painful subject, but I am
suffering too much now that I know there is no hope for me. I am haunted
by the thought of that illegitimate child of my husband's.
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