Away! I know my own
fate. Count Peter belongs not to me, he belongs to the world. I will
be proud when I hear--'that was he, and that was he again--and that
has he accomplished; there they have worshipped him, and there they
have deified him!' See, when I think of this, then am I angry with
thee that with a simple child thou canst forget thy high destiny.
Away! or the thought will make me miserable! I--oh! who through thee
am so happy, so blessed! Have I not woven, too, an olive branch and
a rosebud into thy life, as into the wreath which I was allowed to
present to thee? I have thee in my heart, my beloved; fear not to
leave me. I will die oh! so happy, so ineffably happy through thee!"
Thou canst imagine how the words must cut through my heart. I
explained to her that I was not what people believed me, that I was
only a rich but infinitely miserable man. That a curse rested on me,
which must be the only secret between us, since I was not yet without
hope that it should be solved. That this was the poison of my days;
that I might drag her down with me into the gulf--she who was the sole
light, the sole happiness, the sole heart of my life. Then wept she
again, because I was unhappy. Ah, she was so loving, so kind! To spare
me but one tear, she, and with what transport, would have sacrificed
herself without reserve!
She was, however, far from rightly comprehending my words; she
conceived in me some prince on whom had fallen a heavy ban, some high
and honored head, and her imagination amidst heroic pictures limned
forth her lover gloriously.
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