He is never
without some rough-handed flatterer, that rubs him, like a horse, with a
curry-comb till he kicks and grunts with the pleasure of it. He has old
family stories and jests, that fell to him with the estate, and have
been left from heir to heir time out of mind. With these he entertains
all comers over and over, and has added some of his own times, which he
intends to transmit over to posterity. He has but one way of making all
men welcome that come to his house, and that is by making himself and
them drunk; while his servants take the same course with theirs, which
he approves of as good and faithful service, and the rather because, if
he has occasion to tell a strange, improbable story, they may be in a
readiness to vouch with the more impudence, and make it a case of
conscience to lie as well as drink for his credit. All the heroical
glory he aspires to is but to be reputed a most potent and victorious
stealer of deer and beater-up of parks, to which purpose he has compiled
commentaries of his own great actions that treat of his dreadful
adventures in the night, of giving battle in the dark, discomfiting of
keepers, horsing the deer on his own back, and making off with equal
resolution and success.
AN ANTIQUARY
Is one that has his being in this age, but his life and conversation is
in the days of old. He despises the present age as an innovation and
slights the future, but has a great value for that which is past and
gone, like the madman that fell in love with Cleopatra.
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