I was considered as a tolerable subject of speculation
by some, and I could not be burdensome to
any: I was therefore, according to the ordinary
rule of Edinburgh hospitality, a welcome guest in
several respectable families; but I found no one
who could replace the loss I had sustained in my
best friend and benefactor. I wanted something
more than mere companionship could give me, and
where was I to look for it?---among the scattered
remnants of those that had been my gay friends of
yore?---alas;
Many a lad I loved was dead,
And many a lass grown old.
Besides, all community of ties between us had
ceased to exist, and such of former friends as were
still in the world, held their life in a different tenor
from what I did.
Some had become misers, and were as eager in
saving sixpence as ever they had been in spending
a guinea. Some had turned agriculturists---their
talk was of oxen, and they were only fit companions
for graziers. Some stuck to cards, and
though no longer deep gamblers, rather played
small game than sat out. This I particularly despised.
The strong impulse of gaming, alas! I
had felt in my time---it is as intense as it is criminal;
but it produces excitation and interest, and I
can conceive how it should become a passion with
strong and powerful minds.
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