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Gissing, George, 1857-1903

"The Crown of Life"


The other half is, that I was altogether mistaken in my own feelings
--Father, you are accustomed to deal with life and death. Do you
think that fear of gossip, and desire to spare Mr. Jacks a brief
mortification, should compel me to surrender all that makes life
worth living, and to commit a sin for which there is no
forgiveness?"
Her voice, thoroughly under control, its natural music subdued
rather than emphasised, lent to these words a deeper meaning than
they would have conveyed if uttered with vehemence. They woke in her
father's mind a memory of long years ago, recalled the sound of
another voice which had the same modulations.
"I find no fault with you," he said gravely. "That you can do such a
thing as this proves to me how strongly you feel about it. Hut it is
a serious decision--more serious, perhaps, than you realise.
Things have gone so far. The mere inconvenience caused will be very
great."
"I know it. I have felt tempted to yield to that thought--to let
things slide, as they say. Convenience, I feel sure, is a greater
power on the whole than religion or morals or the heart. It doesn't
weigh with me, because I have had such a revelation of myself as
blinds me to everything else. I _dare_ not go on!"
"Don't think I claim any authority over you," said the Doctor. "At
your age, my only right as your father is in my affection, my desire
for your welfare, Can you tell me more plainly how this change has
come about?"
Irene reflected.


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